Constant rain…it’s all we ever get here, snow and rain. I feel like I’m in England in the late 1800’s. Yesterday was a gorgeous day though...and guess what else? Yes, I had the day off ! I am glad to say that I enjoyed every minute of it. The sky was blue with fluffy white clouds. The sun was shining and it was the perfect temperature. I decided to edit early in the morning (of course) and spend the rest of the day with the people I love. For some reason nice weather makes me happy. Even if the day is horrible, I will be like oh well, at least it’s still nice out. Unlike today, I am cooped up inside work while it pours down outside. And watches the news to find out that everyone’s basements and streets have flooded.
While at work, I turned on Oprah (for no particular reason). I haven’t watched an episode of Oprah in years but on a whim today happened to be her last show on the air. Luck me. I’ve always loved and respected Oprah because of her story and it gives me hope. It gives others hope too. That it is possible to be done so wrong and turn it into something that others can learn from.
During this episode, I felt as if she were talking to me (yeah, weird, I know) when she gave her farewell speech. She was so eloquent in her speech when she said that everyone has a spark in them. It is our job to pursue that spark to our best ability. And that spark had nothing to do with how much money you made or how famous you became, that spark would grow larger because you were fulfilled. She almost made me cry. Because I felt every word of it.
And then I took a look at myself. Am I where I want to b? And what’s holding me back from my spark growing?
I go to work and in a lot of the rooms are these large picture windows, I always peer out of them when I get settled in and I pretend that it’s a prison. And there’s no way out. I can’t breathe. I can’t grow. I’m trapped by these four walls because I have bills to pay and people to please. I’m not there because I want to be.
These minutes, these days, these weeks and years are passing us so quick and I’m drowning. This is not life.
I feel free when I write. I feel free when I create. And when I learn and people share knowledge with me. I am free when I speak and mentor. This 44 plus hour a week job is not freedom. Sometimes when I am on my way to work, I think about taking a detour and never looking back, leaving everything, the worldly things. The petty things. The stupid things. And starting a new life. A new me. People think I’m crazy when I say it but it’s how I feel.
Something inside is telling me to leave here, life can’t be just about paying bills and living check to check, making ends meet. I know it. Some people would say that I was living in a fantasy but isn’t that where greatness begins…in the form of a dream?
I’m at work on a late lunch, its 8pm and I am supposed to be getting back to my unit, but I am here writing. I’m here writing because there’s no one to talk to. Just me and my pen. Oh, and some paper. I have 3 more hours to go in the bottomless pit full of non-creative minded individuals. And when that’s over, I go home and write and do it all again the next day.
Much love,
The Juicy Details,
xoxoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment